We Are “Up”

We can’t talk about what we will be when we grow up, “We are up.” I find this quote is really provocative. It makes me think about what is “grown up.” I know that it is my thymus gland that makes everything grow at the same rate. Have you ever wondered how it is that your hands are about the same size or that your toes are about the same length? It is our thymus gland. Our body and all its intricate complexities get us to be people in adult bodies. But is that enough? I don’t think so.

What is the difference between those who are happy, responsible, inspired adults and those who are not? What is the difference in me? When I push past my comfort level, when I hear and act upon feedback, when I question the unquestionable in me, when I challenge the fear “will I ever find love,” then I feel proud of myself. When I deny, avoid, barge ahead, control, operate from fear, reject self-love, and stay unconscious, then I am not proud of myself.

As I watch others who refuse to grow, or watch the same person in different circumstance soar ahead, I try and stop and ask, “Am I doing the same thing? Where am I limited? Where am I expansive?” Choosing our own bedtime, eating anything we want, and staying out as late as we want are not benchmarks of being a “grown-up.” Rather, I think I need to measure myself by my ability to look into myself when it is really difficult. Lately I noticed I need to speak to family about issues from which I would rather walk away. Speaking to them about lying/denying, avoidance/rejection, and integrity/truth is uncomfortable at best, and awful at worst. But if I don’t speak now, when will I?

Yet, my head and heart spin with questions, “Will they hear me? Will they punish me for having the audacity? Will they think the relationship is too much work? Can I find a way to reach them? Can I stay centered in the domain of love so they know that I will stand by them as they look at really hard issues within themselves? Will they remember that I too have and will look at hard issues within myself?”  So many questions all filled with fear and trepidation. Yet, I must forge ahead, as gentle as I can and discuss the forbidden topics.

Being an adult, understanding that “I am up,” is an imperative component of self love. I admire people who are able to gently tell a “hard truth” to someone else.  I revere people who can tell “hard truths” to themselves. Being a grown up means I step into adulthood with all of me, not just my body. There are too few adults. I want to be one of them.