I am not perfect. I was reminded today in a very painful way that I am not. I hate not being perfect. I hate making mistakes no matter how unintentional or innocent. I know that comes from my childhood where mistakes were not allowed. If you made a mistake you were made to feel like you were a mistake. But as I have mentionedas a Champion of Love, clinging to the past is not only a waste of precious time, it takes energy that could be used for fun, love and joy.
Today, innocent as it was, I hurt someone I love. When I hurt someone there is no such thing as innocent. I know I create my own reality. I know I am responsible for everything that happens to me regardless of what it looks like to the world. If I am in a car accident and the other guy is at fault it is still my life. I am still responsible. I am not to blame, but I am and must be responsible. Without that level of accountability and responsibility there is no freedom. There is only victimhood and martyrdom. If I am responsible for everything that happens to me, if I am always responsible for my impact on others, then and only then can I be free.
So today, once again, I must know I was not perfect and need to stop striving for the impossible. Being loving is possible, being perfect is not.
It took hard work, with more to come, to realize why I allow the circumstances that caused someone pain. But if I don’t do the work, if I don’t look really closely at why I created the situation, then I can’t call myself loving. A person who doesn’t know WHY they hurt you, unintentionally or not, is a dangerous person. It is only the person who searches inside themselves for the answers that can become safe. For with the answers to the question “Why,” we can understand, forgive and heal.
Today is a hard day, a day of revelation and a day where I hurt someone I love. I am a flawed human being who can be forgiven and loved. I am not perfect, but I am loved and that is much, much better.