I don’t like arrogant people. They irritate me and I find I want to compete with them just to knock them off their self-proclaimed pedestal. I have no problem pointing out to people who I work with when their arrogance gets in the way of productivity, or worse, hurts others.

So it comes as a hard realization that I, too, can be, and have been, arrogant. Oh, I could hide behind words like competent, confident, “but I am right” and many other veils of avoidance. But twice in the last week people who love me have stepped up to the plate and said in a roundabout way that my arrogance hurts them. I am unsafe when I function in “better than” or “superior than.” Wow what an apocalypse, what an unveiling.

Jeez, I really hate the thought. I procrastinated writing the blog because I just knew I had to say something, but who wants to admit to a flaw like this? Not me.  My image of myself is that of a nice person, the one everyone trusts and leans on. I am the one who teaches, indeed who role models, appropriate behavior both in and out of the work environment. So what was up with this? I am arrogant and hurt people I love with it. I say WOW again.

Perhaps it is a sign of growth that I am not running from that realization. Nor am I condemning myself as an unworthy friend or lover. Rather I am looking hard at the times I am arrogant and do feel superior to others. It isn’t pretty, but time is so precious I cannot afford not to hear the direct feedback given to me by those I love.

So what do I do with the fact that I can be arrogant?  Well, the answer is simple—stop. I need to notice when I am being superior and arrogant.  Once I notice it, I trust myself totally to stop it. But it is getting to that first step of consciousness where I have to improve.  During the wrestling match I had with my ego around this issue, I had another realization.  I remembered that one of the good things about me, indeed one of my graces, is that I really do try to be a better person all the time.  So, here is another chance, another opportunity, to walk that talk. Hurray—and damn!